One morning, I wake up feeling great and I'm looking forward to a brilliant yet busy day. I jump off my bed and yawn, rub my eyes, jump into the shower, a cold shower keeps me fully awake. Grabbing my breakfast I then run to the bus stop and I'm waiting in the icy cold for the bus to train station to work, I could barely breathe and I felt a cold coming on and I thought ''oh no, not again'' I quickly check the mirror and I noticed the red nose, and then run to the corner shop to buy myself a packet of tissues. The bus finally arrived, and of course it is crowded, it's morning and the main road is blocked hence the crowded bus...
When I was on the train, I'd expect to be feeling happy but somehow for a strange reason, I wasn't.. I don't understand why I'd be upset after a good night sleep. I spent all morning pondering about it at work for a while. I have thought of many reasons, I perhaps thought maybe it was the dreams that affected me or it was an idiot who insulted me the day before.. and many strange thoughts went through my mind.
When I spend my lunch in a cafe drinking a banana milkshake it has started to put a strain on myself, I began to feel a bit annoyed with myself and I feel too tense especially around my neck/shoulder. I've given up thinking about it, and begun to get on with my own work.
When I was set to go home, I hurried to the station and waited forever, I felt like it was eternity, I stared in some empty space for a while, I suddenly blinked my eyes when the train went past quickly. I went on the carriage which has lots of seats. I sighed and sat down and then one moment unexpectedly when I have forgotten about it- it hits me and then I start getting some flashbacks and of course I have come to a conclusion why. My eyes started to water up and I'd begun to sniff. I kept telling myself ''Moona, don't cry and just hold it back.'' If I'm being honest, the feelings are impossible to explain, it happened to me not too often but when it does, I get scared.
There were times when I tried so hard to understand but when I do, I could not talk to anyone about it because I was worried I'd make a fool out of myself and I find it hard to pour my heart out, no, it is not about trust issues, it is just me that is the problem. I keep thinking about it all the way home and it has caused me a lot of tears but at the end of the night after having the company of the family, I'd gotten better, later that night in bed, I was hoping that the next morning I would wake up happier and I did.
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