Rita.

Rita Sapakota, the beautiful, funny, genuine, kind, friendly, respectful well known ever girl walked this earth.

Now, I have finally brought myself to talk about her, Rita Sapakota. You might be wondering who is she?

Well, it's very painful to talk about her, and its more difficult for me to finally accepted that she has passed away.


Sadly on 8th July, the morning of her death...I was doing my usual routine and after gotten too much message on my phone, it's very unlike for me to have this much messages at this time of the day and someone must be very agitated to contact me, the first person I read is Matthew, so I scroll up and up, with a very confusing looks on my face and he mentions that he's sorry but I couldn't understand why. and I realise that Rita is dead, I was having a mixed of feelings, heartbroken, angry, upset, confusing, and I have the urge to shouts but I couldn't and honestly I thought it was a VERY sick joke, but I knew it's not like them and then I read Abigail's and other people too. I quickly texted Dipa and Carolyn, as I don't believe the news, and I will accept it if they have confirmed it. And I realise Cindy and Ola didn't know, so I passed down the messages. I just broken down in tears whilst writing the message to them, I phoned Rita's sister and her dad, and no answers.


If I remembered correctly, my head was in such a state, feeling so frustrated, honestly, and now I'd realised why people get so emotional, fragile and depressed, I finally could empathise them. It was so painful experience to struggling through. I wouldn't wish that on someone else, not even my own enemies. I knew this is the cycle of the life, people are born and eventually they has to die, but I never understood, why? I hate the question ''why?'' because no one really has the right answers to it.


I was left feeling so upset and very hurt. I know people who had been passed away but no one who was so close to me, a part of myself, my life, my experience, my family, and it was becoming too much for me. i just keep crying, praying myself, please do not let this be so true. I went out but I kept all the feelings bottled up inside me, and when I came home a few hours later, I just bursting out sobbing and fall on my knee, my sister Monira, she knew exactly how I felt and it wasn't easier, because it's a few years ago when her good mate got stabbed at one of the party and left to die. But it was different situation, Steven Lewis was killed but Rita didn't want to live, and she took away her life, and I never got the answers..until now, it's an unexplained death.


Strangely enough, it just was a very few days before, me and Katrina meet up for lunch and a bit of chit chat, we actually made plans to visit Nepal, and visit Chitwaan, I wasn't allowed to visit her during VSO due to the high malaria levels in that area and we made plans to stay at Rita's house for a weekend or so too. I was on my way home, with a smile from the cheek to cheek, planning, how much would I need, and when should I book the tickets and etc. I knew Rita will be over the moon to see me again, I'd want to see her wonderful smile and her infamous sparkle in her eyes and also it was a perfect chance to give her some thing she want from England, and no it's not baked beans, ha ha.


A few months passed away, I literally am going through this by myself, I refuse to talk about her with anyone, but I sometime often talk about her with  Samira, Khayrun and Humera, but it doesn't help and I have pictures of her, but when I looked really deep in her eyes, I could tell she's alive and happy somewhere out there.. but I must have this fact stay inside my head, that she's gone forever and if I'm being honestly, I think the hard part of this is when I last saw her was on Wednesday 9th April, I didn't said ''goodbye'' I signed ''see you later'' in Nepali sign language. I only did this was because I didn't believe in goodbyes, and I hate saying goodbyes, I always thinks, what's the point into saying goodbyes when you KNOW you will see them again some day and I regretted it every day, because I didn't know it will be the last time I saw her. I just want to talk to her once more time, and hug her, and laugh with her. But I think really hard, and I know why she done this, I finally accepted it and move on, it was her wish, her choice and we got to learn to respect her wishes.


On Saturday 18th September 2010, we hold a service in Rita's memory, how brilliant is she, how she had achieved a lots throughout her life, she learnt how to sign when she was 17 years old, after struggling communication, language barriers and how she fitted in England, people adores her and her love for England. Nick Moxon spokes out very beautifully words from the bible, along with Amy's poem, Carolyn's speech and myself & Matthew signed song dictated to her, ''I believe I can fly'' by R.Kelly. After this we light up some candles, I feels blessed and happy that she has a good send off service and also I finally accepted the fact she's gone but she's always will be in my heart, and now she is in heaven, smiling and looking down on us. Deep inside I know she's happy, she's somewhere out there smiling.


A few finally words, we all love you, always and forever. xx xx xx xx


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