Being deaf.

When I was a little girl, I used to cry to my mother 'why are they staring at me?’ she always said to me ‘they’re only looking at you because you are beautiful' I smiled, ignored the world and play with my doll. Little not did I know they were looking at me because I was signing. I have come to a realisation that adults always tell little ‘’white lies’’ of course they do it because they’re parents and their job is to protect their own child/ren.

Growing up, not fully understood what being deaf is and how does it affect me especially my family, when I was old enough to realise, I have experienced bullies, barriers, miscommunication, misunderstands and many more. People used to think I can’t speak English when I can but I don’t understand them, there were too many times I have left feeling so frustrated when I try my hardest to communicate with them and they give up. I often felt so angry with them and the world, that remind me of one time; when I was at Superdrug’s, I was tried some make up on with the ‘tester’ label on it. A lady came to me said something that I don’t understand, I looked at my little sister, she sign to me, and I used my voice to the lady. The lady rudely ignored me and keep talking to my little sister that made me so angry, I shouted at her, tell her to look at me and talk to me. I don’t know if I’m being selfish but there's no way I'll let my little sister interpreting for me.

I sometime used to stare at my little sister who is hearing, talking on the phone and I used to wonder ‘’how is that possible?’’ because all I was hearing silence and I know she was talking because her mouth was moving, I have a wonderful skill which is to lipread people which has benefit me too much but it is very hard work. I remember one summer, when my siblings used to complain during that time about the birds, how were they annoying. It was something to do with their chirping or singing that interrupt them at a silly hour of the clock. I remember thinking I don’t understand why you’re complaining, if it was me, I wouldn’t complain and I’d listen to the beautiful sound and appreciate it that lead me being so curious and I have too many questions to ask, i.e. ‘can you understand other language?' 'People with different accents?’ just those silly questions but then again, I was only a child.

Also growing up in a hearing school, I often got asked such silly questions for instance; ‘how do you learn to sign?’ I replied with a sarcasm answer ‘’the same way you learn how to speak’ they don’t get it which was my point because I don’t remember how I learnt to sign. Anyway, my main point is when the word ‘deaf’’ come across their minds; they quickly assume that we are just some dumb, mute and disabled people when we are NOT. We merely can do ANYTHING like any hearing person can do, walk, eat, sleep, cook, work, travel, drive, marry and have kids. Except hear. I hate it when people assume the worst of deaf people and they are automatic being so judgmental. If I mention I'm deaf, I get all sorts of looks, it is like they pity me, and I sometime felt so isolated and paranoid with their offensive remarks. But I don't understand why they're being like this. Who says I want to be hearing. When I'm happy living my own life, it is because they have no dignity, respect or empathy. 

Since I was a little girl, I longing to hear all the beautiful sounds like birds chirp, water drips, footsteps, voices especially singing voices for so long and I would love to experience this sounds just for one day. I’d love for everyone to know at least basic sign languages it’ll makes our lives easier. Now I’m 21 years old, and I have accomplish the meaning of ''deaf'' with both the negative and the positive sides of it. I’m proud to be Deaf, I also have met so many beautiful people and I known so many inspirational people around the UK and the world. And I'm happy to be a part of one wonderful and beautiful strong Deaf community.